Letting Go of People Who No Longer Fit Your Season of Life
There is the type of guilt that comes to you when someone you used to talk to every day is drifting away from you. This type of feeling does not usually come from you fighting with the person or having an argument. Sometimes, it is just natural.
You know, a few years back, I actually had a friend whom I spoke to almost every day. And this friendship, if I am not wrong, has been like a decade old. We met at a very young age, to be honest. For the bad moments in our childhood days, we have had many. And don't get me wrong, for the misunderstanding, we had many misunderstandings, but our friendship was one of a kind. The kind of friendship that made us feel we would be together for the rest of our lives.
But things do happen in life, don't they? When our lives moved on in different directions, from a whole new perspective and angle, things changed. You know, people do not really understand it sometimes when their close ones, or their once-upon-a-time best friends, become very much occupied and busy with life to a point where they can't make ample time to keep in touch with them. And this is where the drifting apart comes into play. Because Peter does not make an effort to reach out to Paul often, Paul has also taken it upon himself to not check up on Peter, although he is free. It is no one's fault, actually; psychology and feelings will always play a role. Maybe both are just outgrowing their relationship.
What Does It Mean When Someone No Longer Fits Your Season?
Claiming that the phrase "season of life" is a psychological or scientific term is probably a false claim. For what I know, it is a phrase that is used a period in a person's life where the circumstances they find themselves in, the responsibility on their head, and their priority change.
Imagine this scenario where, at a point in your life, you spent most of your evenings going out for parties with your friends and family, but are currently concentrating on your school or work because of the current chapter of life you've found yourself in.
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These changes do not make your friends become a bad influence, because all you have to find is an adjustment. Many people get this step wrong, and that is where the feeling of pain dawns in. People get hurt and cut off friendships. They let go harshly and unreasonably, and that is wrong.
Doing it the right way
How do you then let go of people who no longer fit your season of life?
1. You must recognize it when the relationship has changed.
One of the very first steps to let go of people is recognizing it when relationships have changed. It is a point where you have to ask yourself a few questions about what is changing.
- Do you still enjoy spending a lot of time with that friend of yours?
- Are you still yourself when you are around that person?
- Do you actually respect the boundaries of each other like previous?
- Have you and your friend grown tired of each other and miss each other less?
The moment you ask yourself these questions and find answers to them, you can prevent yourself from making rushed and hasty decisions that will develop unwanted emotions between you and your friend.
2. Do not confuse your growth with superiority
As time goes on and people begin to move on in life while their friends don't, they begin to assume they are on the bright side of the tunnel. They begin to feel like they are better off than others, and as a matter of fact, begin to look down on people.
They begin to feel bossy because they have outgrown others; well, it does not have to be that way.
Life has taught me a lot of lessons about myself and others, and sometimes, the person you least expect has a chance of making it or progress in life is the one who surprises many. The best approach is not to go to a friend or someone you are close to and tell them, " Hey, things have changed; I am now the CEO of this company and have become so busy, so do not try to reach me again. We are not equals". A mature way to approach this is to get a quiet place with your friend, even if it is over the phone, and tell them, " Hey, we are all moving in different directions in life now, so things will not be the same between us as before. " That approach is more reasonable.
3. Do not look at the day when it only started; look at the pattern
Everyone has difficult days, and even good friendships can have misunderstandings. There could also be periods when a person could be less available. So, instead of lamenting all the time whether a person has abandoned you or not, you can take time and study their schedule instead of making plans to pay them in the same coin.
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Letting a person go so it does not hurt any party is only best if the two take it upon themselves to understand one another and know what the other party is up to.
4. Try to adjust the relationship before ending it.
Sometimes, saying goodbye is not the answer to give to a relationship that is already falling apart. Therefore, instead of trying to make the usual calls, talking the whole day over the phone, perhaps you can talk to each other once a week.
Why Care Must Be Taken Before Letting Go
Before you put an end to a very important relationship or friendship, you must first consider whether your reaction is just a temporary one. Find out if your friendship with the person is due to the fault of both or just life that is happening. There are a few things that do happen later on in life. Though initially, you may be feeling invisible, you do not know the particular point in life when you will be needing that particular individual you did let go.
That person could become an important person in the future, and if you do not care enough, you will actually find yourself in deep waters. You know, letting people around you go at a particular point in life shouldn't be a thing that one should appreciate doing, but then there are some things that we cannot control in life ourselves. It could honestly be that you are relocating or have just become occupied and busy. That is why as an individual, you must take absolute care before thinking of letting someone in your life go.
